The Feat of Shoe Shopping

The blogging and microblogging world is atwitter about Lizzie Miller’s little paunch and presumably thousands of women are shrugging off their tummy corsets as they gleefully embrace their lovehandles in public (and swear off the samosas in private).

Now I am all for the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty and Glamour’s teeny-weeny attempt at representing an unbelievably gorgeous girl with believable body fat. Hmmm..but that is probably because I am no model and nowhere close to the coveted Runaway size zero.

Even as bloggers take up the cudgels for the regular gal, decent sized haute couture, believable bods and non-airbrushed airheads, there is nary a voice that fights for the cause of…horrors..women with gigantic feet.

Women who never get shoes in a size 8 unless they rummage in the men’s section, women who have to go around looking like clods because all they get are clods, women who fantasize about squeezing their bony, chubby, scrawny, fat and oversized feet into a dainty pair of Jimmy Choos, women who hate shopping for shoes because there is always that salesguy who dismisses you, and your ugly tootsies, with a “Sorry Madam, yeh apke size mein nahin milega”.

Right, so I am 5’7” and thereabouts. I am not expected to get into a size 6. Add to that a hereditary bone that juts out and I am doomed for life. Maybe I should take up the cause of women who are discriminated against on account of their (non self-imposed) choice in footwear.

If you are a few kilos overweight you can work towards reducing the fat but the only way I can aspire to a size 7 style is by amputating my toes.

Just a Disconnect

I keep promising myself that I will make a post at least once a week – preferably during office hours. Unfortunately, I am a (self-imposed) social networking pariah. I am unabashedly not addicted to FB, I Stumble Upon dazzling finds that I promptly forget to share with the world. And ahem.. I am a tweet-twit.

Now, the irony of it is I work for one of India’s premier digital agencies and suggest SNS ideas on a daily basis to brands desperate to google, tweet, scrap, stumble, digg and connect with India’s whatever million connected youth. In other words, I have unlimited access to everything…and I am pretty sure that includes porn. But that’s just it, when you have too much of a good thing, you are really not all that interested:)

And when I get home, feed, bathe and make V sleep, all I want to do is snuggle in with a good read.

BOOKS I AM READING
The terribly dull ‘VOID MOON’ by Michael Connelly. I like my occasional psychotic killer who murders with clinical detachment but I do so like a good chase– VM is too technical and too trigger happy. Boring.
The fairly entertaining ‘ELEPHANTA SUITE (Paul Theroux) The phirang’s eye for embarrassing details that we Indians resolutely ignore. Nicely written and chiefly wins on account of the fact that the author dishes out the dirt on stuff other than roadside bowel movements.
Currently reading BEING INDIAN (Pavan K Varma). Fairly insightful and a darned good read, it has some pretty hilarious accounts and anecdotes. Eg. The priests of the Savitri Devi temple (Pushkar) demanding alimony from the nearby Brahma temple on the grounds that the Creator ‘divorced’ the goddess and so the priests must have a share in the Brahma temple’s earnings.
Have ‘KAFKA ON THE SHORE’ next on my list along with a bunch of old classics I intend revisiting (IVANHO, GREAT EXPECTATIONS).

From Narayan to Fitzgerald

Amidst the murky doings of Ramalinga Raju and co. there is a faint sliver of light (which unfortunately does nothing to dispel the financial gloom). The man is a poet! Or, at least, aspires to poetic sensibilities. After all, how many of us, whist disclosing our dark dank deeds, would pepper our confession with evocative wordplay such as 'riding a tiger.....'??

A prominent economist pointed out the Satyam Chairman's letter was very 'Keats-like'. I can't get it out of my head that Raju is an RK Narayan fan. When I read his condensed confession, the visual of the reclusive Swami's chatty pet tiger ('Tiger for Malgudi') immediately sprang to mind.

Narayan's books' appeal lies in its austerity. He never uses clunky words that have his readers thumbing feverishly through a dictionary, his plot is never convoluted. Instead his story simply flows, bubbling over like a happy brook from one quirky chapter to the next.

My Narayan favourite remains to this day, 'Swami and Friends' - a dog-eared 24 year old copy of which is still one of my most treasured possessions. It is a delightful chronicle of a child's innocence and his growing years - before the Adrian Mole hormones set in. Most adults see it as a chronice of a childhood lost.

As my mommy pal Swati puts it, kids no longer enjoy the simple pleasures of life, they are way too materialistic. But sometimes when I see a streak of adventure and the thirst for an imaginative tale, I know all is well with the world. But these instances are far and few and which is perhaps why I hate the damned television. And why I haven't yet plopped my one-year old in front of it and hopefull never wi ll. Or at least, until he gets hooked. God give me the strength to hold out:)

Books I am reading :: Mostly Fitzgerald.
After re-reading 'Great Gatsby' for the 4th time (Can ANYONE describe the play of light and shadows as well as F. Scott Fitzgerald???!!), I moved on to the intriguing short story collection 'Diamond as Big as the Ritz' ('Bernice Bobs Her Hair' being the pick of the crop...pun intended). I heard about the movie version of 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' and scoured the net to pick up a free copy of Fitzgerald's short story here. And of course I spent an unpleasant half-n-hour dwelling over Mrs. Button's labor pains. Just started 'Tender is the Night' unfortunately the blurry penguin print is getting to be a regular eyesore.

After 'Making a Mango Whistle' (a so-so children's version of 'Pathar Panchali') I am confident there are Apus (and Swaminathans) all around us if we only make the effort to get to know them. True, they might not see the beauty in a budding leaf or try to create telegraph wires out of vines but nonetheless.

When it comes to children, yours truly remains a resolute optimist.

Light Up

Back from a Baby Break

It has been 5 months since Ved popped out (Dec 8th) and although the baby blues passed me by, I have been pushing (pun intended) a lot of things on the backburner – this blog, repotting my 30 odd plants, scraping together my big book idea, plodding through Roberto Calasso. .......

Babies are surprisingly non-complex. You have to figure out the signals, once you crack that you are on a roll. Babies come precoded and it is just a matter of time before you break it down into the basics – need to poop, need to eat, need to zzz. Funny, I never thought I would enjoy being a mum but I love it, every minute of it, even the sleepless minutes.

Baby Conversation #1
Me: He looks so cute in that weird outfit
Well-meaning relative: No no don’t say that, drishti aango (aka the evil eye)
Me (rephrasing): He looks like a monkey in that weird outfit
Well-meaning relative: How can you say that about your own child
Hmm

Weird Fact: Having a baby the natural route minus drugs is JUST like, pardon my French, taking a dump. I swear! Heck when the nurse was asking me to give the ol’ heave ho she explicitly asked me to “pass motions”..amidst the haze of sweet pain you wonder - "Does she know which way is the exit?"

On Reading
Do post pregnant women dumb down their reads? According to a Telegraph UK survey, they do. Brit mommies toss ponderous biographies in favour of frothy flakey chick lit. Hallelujah so I haven’t scraped the bottom of the barrel yet! Post pregnancy I have shamelessly devoured pulp fiction but only of the detective thriller variety – Harlan Coban and Michael Connelly. Thanks Vivek!!Nonetheless I intend improving my reads once I successfully manage to juggle the pooping-peeing-eating sessions, the pram strolls, the swimming, the cooking and the work (Maternity leave is over, woe is me!)

Sleeping with Shakespeare

What is wrong with the word 'pregnant' - it rolls off your tongue with a delicious twang, it is succinct, it is pithy and most of all you know what it bloody means! Why can't a woman say it like it is? Why must she stoop to euphemisms and not make the matter-of-fact declaration 'I am pregnant'. Is that a cuss word? Will God strike her down?? Or does the P-word shrivel sensitive high bred ears? I am not sure but honestly 'I am carrying' and 'I am expecting' are so totally half-assed. Er Carrying what? A lotta to the nearest field???

Now I infinitely prefer a 'bun in the oven'..or two as the case may be. It appeals to my Wilkie Collins/Edith Wharton/Austen sensibilities and is vague enough to keep the less informed in a haze of ignorance. But you NEVER get to hear that. I have heard it only once. But all that carrying and expecting is still carrying on. And to that I add my latest gem 'She is in the family way'. I should hope so, it is not pleasant having a child out of wedlock.

At the risk of sounding self-centred, I cleared my MA Lit with a first div! Huzzah! On a sort of related note, and this was before my results were declared, I have been going to bed with Shakespeare. Eight pages down 'Taming of the Shrew' and I sleep like a babe. SS has this soporific, lulling effect but then I am still on the comedies :)

BOOKS I AM READING

My vote for the most horrendous book of 2007 or at least read in the year 2007. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. A pretentious, pompous, lame attempt at merging a travelogue with a thriller Kostova falls flat on both counts. Dubbed as a 'chilling thiller' - it is about as chilling as yesteday's pudding spilt on the tarmac. Appallingly silly not to mention tiresome, I have never read vampire lore this asinine and my non-fictional book on Vlad the Impaler positively gallops after this bit of plodding drivel. The days of judging a book by its reviews are long gone. What beats me is how Kostova wangled those dazzling recommendations.

Offsetting this canker, is RK Laxman and his quirky autobiography: 'The Tunnel of Time', if you enjoyed Narayan's 'Malguidi Days', you can trace his inspiration from Laxman's life. However the best books I have read over the past month are definitely the 'Girl who Played Go' and 'The Comfort Woman' (See previous posts).